It's been hard for me to think of sitting down to write this post. So strange that just a week ago I was so very excited to share the good news. Actually, it's not very strange to me - rather, it's just plain scary how quickly life changes.
A week ago, on St. Patrick's Day, it was a wonderful day. We finally got the call that our application to adopt a kitten had been approved. I was quite sick with cold and fever, but I rushed to get dressed and go with Hasan to pick her up. We had seen these beautiful 3 kittens for adoption at the pet store...3 sisters, the "mellow" one of whom I had taken a liking to. I had wanted mellow because let's face it, this would be my first pet and I'm scared of things with claws. I don't know if we actually ended up getting the mellow one I was so intent on when we picked her up as they all looked the same...but it doesn't matter. On the drive home, we named her Cookie, as in Cookie Monster. What a scary few hours when Hasan purposely left me alone with her while he went to class. Scary indeed - ha! Within a few hours, I had bonded with this 8 week old, grey tabby kitten like we had known each other forever. Thank God I was sick because I got to spend morning, noon and night with her on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.
Everything she did was so funny, or cute, or maddening, or worrisome to me. I made sure to make her first vet appointment for the following Tuesday. I wanted to make sure she had everything she needed. A few close friends know we had bought everything we thought we'd need even before we ever brought her home. I was so, so, sooo excited to have her in the house. I was trying to teach her what to do, what not to do, where to sleep, where not to poop...all this love that I guess I had been wanting to give, she began to bring out of me. Thursday afternoon I was so excited because I got her to sleep in her bed. I put her there and just petted her to sleep. She would look up if I moved, but then I'd pet her again and she was back to sleep. I felt so proud.
Little did I know she was getting sick. When she didn't eat her Thursday afternoon lunch, I was a bit worried. But they say cats are finicky. When she still hadn't eaten by Friday evening and all she wanted to do was sleep, I knew there was something wrong. Saturday morning I took her to Philadelphia Animal Hospital where they ran tests on her, gave her a subcutaneous hydration shot, and gave us antibiotics and a calorie supplement to feed her with an eyedropper while we waited for bloodwork to come back. Poor thing just wanted to be held by us all day Saturday. She was so cooperative when we forced her mouth open to feed her. And then she would vomit. It's the worst thing ever to watch something you care for be sick. Sunday morning, I got an awful call from the doctor: "She has panleukopenia and if you want to try to save her, you have to get her admitted to University of Pennsylvania Vetinerary Hospital." So that's what we did right away.
And from there began 60 awful hours. If you ever need an animal taken care of, Penn Vet is the place to be. They took such good care of her and us. Calling us every few hours, telling us exactly what they were doing and why. When she made it through the night to Monday morning despite being very very sick, I was hopeful. She had lots of ups and downs on Monday, but when she made it to Tuesday morning, and Dr. Hollinger told me she was playing and hanging on her cage in the morning, I truly believed she was going to be ok. She was in the isolation ward (basically an isolated kitten ICU) because her virus was very contagious but she was hanging in there. All that changed in the afternoon - the Dr called and said her blood pressure was very low, her blood sugars were falling, and they were going to try a plasma transfusion. But by 7 pm that hadn't worked and she said it was time for us to make a decision about euthanasia.
We went to the hospital right away, and could just see our baby through the window of the unit. She looked sooo tiny and tired. Her poor 2 lbs body was so full of wires and IVs and she just couldn't move. Hasan thought she was sedated but no, she was just that tired and sick. I knew then she had to leave us...now. I just couldn't take it. After she passed, the Dr. brought her out to me for a few minutes to pet. How could she still feel so soft and look so beautiful? I just didn't understand how a few days ago she was hanging from our kitchen table and now she was gone. I still don't understand it. But I know she's better off now. I pray she is getting to play with her sisters in some cosmic heaven.
Just on Friday I was saying to Hasan how thankful I was that she was with us - how much just the past couple of days with her had taught me about giving love unconditionally. I think that's why she came to be in our lives - I think it must have been horrible for the other kitties who must also have been infected to have just died in their cage in pain...at least she had 2 dedicated doctors and us with her for her last week on this earth.
Some moments, it's hard being at home...I keep seeing her little crazy body running around and climbing things. This is very hard for me to process - to realize the finality of it all. She is the first creature - human or not - that I care about to have passed away. Death seems like an awful thing because it's so final - there is no more. I had only 7 days with her.
But I keep thinking of her so tired and lifeless and realize she's better off. The doctors told us that when she had bursts of energy and was being silly in her cage, she made lots of the other doctors and nurses passing by laugh - this makes me feel good. She was a beautiful kitty and she made us laugh too.
I really miss you Cookie.
Cookie Monster Andrews, 1/24/09 - 3/24/09
